Ann's rants and raves

Feeling crap

fleurgrier — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 07:04:21 +0000

MY stomach is playing up and I was hoping that the operation would last more then a few months, seems I am going back to the specialist as I am having the same problems. School holidays here and kids driving me insane. OH and back on secondlife and finding sooooo boring. dont think I will be on there long

Court day

fleurgrier — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 06:19:19 +0000

Today we arrived for court and my son was unrepresented, we thought oh no we will have to postpone and do it again in 2 months. Nope my son decided to represent himself, not the best idea but hey meant it was over with today. I went in and said what I had to say and more then I thought I would be able too. Even got through the fact that this was not a one off thing, it had happened before.

My son got 1 year good behaviour bond, meaning if he does nothing wrong nothing will go on his record, he was found guilty of attacking me and hurting me and damaging the front door. YES the Judge found him guilty so it was true what I was saying.

Feeling great now and like the old me of years ago.

Watch out world I am back.

Dreading Friday

fleurgrier — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 00:49:50 +0000

Yesterday I learnt that my sons future at school isnt looking good, but after school they think he will do great.. Scared about Friday, not looking forward to seeing my ex in laws and the bullying tactics they will use. Great that my son has turned my whole family against me.

Court Day again Friday

fleurgrier — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 23:04:16 +0000

If you look at my right arm you will still see a faint bruise, many weeks later and you can still see it, I look at it at times and think when will it fade for good. Feeling anxiety attacks every day lately.

Crying

fleurgrier — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 07:48:13 +0000

Tears are falling,

No one seems to care.

I am such a bad person,

That if I was not here,

No one would care?

I just want to feel love,

to know someone loves me.

I dont want for much,

just to know someone cares.

Tomorrow Court Day

fleurgrier — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 08:42:00 +0000

Tomorrow I have to go to court to get an AVO (apprehended Violence Order) against my son, I am freaking out and feeling very unloved. I am thankful to my friend Ruth who is coming to support me. I had to change phone numbers and have not gone out very much since. I am so scared my ex will be there with my son. I just want this over already.

I just want to live without fear.

fleurgrier — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:25:45 +0000

For years I have been saying she is going to kill you or cause you to hurt someone else badly. For months I hid in my room too scared to leave it, never knowing what mood he would be in when he got home. For weeks I sat on the lounge dreading him coming home. I told him more then once I had enough of it all.
Last Friday, my son, after yelling at his ex girlfriend for over 2 hours hit me.

I had to listen to him getting increasingly more angry, I even at one stage went to my room scared to death and crying, I said enough when he threatened to rip his ex’s throat out through her spine. I took the phone off him. Smashed his mobile which I owned, so she could not call him. She had been calling him none stop all day, but to the police she said he was calling her. He had no credit to call her so how was this possible, his phone was ringing none stop.

I took 4 steps back and the next thing I know my arm is killing me and I am watching my partner drag my son out of the house. IT took me 7 or more time before I could dial the phone to get help. My front door was wrecked and the doctors say my arm is fractured or broken, I am in that much pain a week later.

I tried to get help for my son. I begged his father but he refused to even talk to me after the assault. He blames me for getting in the way, causing problems. I hadnt spoken to my son in weeks. He was told never to come home in that mood, he did, was I supposed to let him kill his Ex, would you have done nothing. Remember this was going on for over 2 hours and my grandson was with his mother. He is 2 and subjected to this every day.

I live my life in fear, that one of his mates will attack me if I leave the house. I have been getting hate mail and I had to change my phone number, more then once.

I was just starting to leave the house alone again, just starting to lose the fear of being outside, Now I am scared and afraid that my son will seek revenge, I live knowing the police fear for my safety. I live knowing that no one is helping my son or protecting him from his ex abusing him daily.

I just want to live in peace and play games and read. I am so over drama. I had enough of that when I was on second life.

Is it too much to ask for peace of mind and freedom of fear.

Long time

fleurgrier — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 06:27:07 +0000

Its been a long time and there is a reason for this. I am still on the long road back to recovery, though I wonder will I ever recover and learn to trust again. I am still alive and kicking though I can barely walk now days and am waiting for surgery which seems is not going to happen this year. I have the big c but am waiting for more tests which are taking forever to get. My broken hip 5 years ago is playing up and can barely walk. I will leave you with this thought.

When you play that song do you think of me, am I ever on your mind?

A new year but the old one lingers

fleurgrier — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 07:46:39 +0000

So much has happened since I last posted.

One thing is I am now housebound, no psychical injury causes this but I have become agoraphobic meaning going outside is really hard for me right now. I did go out on odd occasions but that is becoming harder and harder each day.

Life is ok as long as I stay home, going out causes me to freak out and I need at least 2 people with me when I am forced to go out. So different to the old me who had no fears.

The truth is I let evil into my house and they cursed me and I need to break that curse to be me again. With help I can do this with support I can. Few believe that this can happen but she was a practicing witch who cursed me and I didnt believe either till I got sicker and sicker.

No title

fleurgrier — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 03:31:32 +0000

Sometimes I think I hear your voice in the wind, I listen hard but never hear it again. For so long I have been left lost and confused, not really sure what to do. But then I remember you were never really my friend. I wish I knew where you are now, are you happy or sad. It doesnt really matter now for our time has come and gone. You took the good side of me and turned it sour and I lost so much when things went wrong.

But now I am strong and the whispers I hear are people I know. For so long I couldnt listen to music you soured that for me, now it blasts for everyone to hear. My heart sings to a different tune, to someone not like you.

I stand at my window, all thoughts of you are gone. Waiting for the one, that makes me glow.

So long I was lost, but now I am found. And it feels good.